


it takes 3 to 4 minutes to drown

by Lord_Maple



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Poetry, Post-Canon, Symbolism, minor mention of gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 15:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14897192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Maple/pseuds/Lord_Maple
Summary: 「 I turn to the beginning,Reliving it all over once more,The sins and regrets of Goro Akechi. 」Akira discovers a book containing a series of poems lying on his bed one day. There is no name, but he can guess who it belongs to, judging from the wispy cursive wrapping the yellowed paper. Who else could've it been?Despite being miles away from Tokyo, his hands were always tempted to reach out for the form of Akechi's words.





	it takes 3 to 4 minutes to drown

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank ammehsuor for being my beta for this fic! Honestly, the whole fic is borderline word vomit so thank you for tolerating this 4k+ poem that I created. I mean it, many many many thanks! >w<)9

December came in gently  
A layer of snow over black grime  
A kick towards nowhere  
It’s irritating  
The instinct to harm

Even though it was long after the series of strange events  
I still find my legs moving back, enthralled with visions  
Of the people who I left behind  
Smiling faces and content lives  
And the one who left me  
Out over somewhere to dry

Dancing around circles  
I slowly picked up a certain interest  
It was resting peacefully one day, basking under the sunlight  
Carefully wrapped beneath the blanket   
One that I will never forget  
For years to come

The fine print decorating and framing the shape of words  
The feel of the wrinkles and smoothness of each page,  
yellowed with age,  
I hum to myself in glee,  
But even so, I cannot love it.  
It’s a foggy night that’s much too dark,  
buried in warmth,  
I turn to the beginning,  
reliving it all over once more.  
The sins and regrets of Goro Akechi.

The first words written on the first page of this leather-bound book,  
Childish scrawl of a boy too young for war,  
Without thought, he writes honestly without a veil  
Without armor  
A silent wail

_ I want to hear her  
_ _ Her voice, cutting the shapes of hearts  
_ _ Cookie cutters to share in several pairs  
_ _ Over there, but where  
_ _ Together, we eat  
_ _ With just a few tarts _

Unrefined handwriting  
Misshapen figures  
I wish I could hear him  
Contorting the world with both truth and lies  
Sparkles and heroes, with a dash of rainbows  
A mix of glutinous happiness  
Spilled all over the world  
Over  
And over  
But even so, it doesn’t come to be

Even so, he will never come back

I felt my heart sink  
Hard and weary from grief  
Striking hard, like the side of a rink

He was child without childhood.  
A boy without a friend  
One without a promise  
Of the single future he needs  
And I can’t determine  
Whether what he needs is what he wants  
Or if what I feel is what I should

But even so, I find myself here

I turn to the next page, a glimmer of a spark  
A tinge of happiness, rare was it at all  
I divulge in its secrets  
Deep under his transparent mask  
For as long as I can  
Until I drown deep under  
Just right over hell  
Two centimeters above  
His words ring with a dull cheer  
A sound of a bell

_ I remember  
_ _ The hopes and dreams I was meant to have  
_ _ What I once had  
_ _ I remembered me, the words you’ve forgotten.  
_ _ So forgive my arrogance and heed my words  
_ _ I washed the clothes of the poor as much as I stole from bakers  
_ _ I cleaned the rooms of others as I made a mess of my own  
_ _ I tried, I’ll try my best  
_ _ To attain a future that I want  
_ _ That you want  
_ _ I want you to know, the proof of my honesty  
_ _ So that the meaning of my words has shape  
_ _ So that the shape of my words has form  
_ _ Whoever you are  
_ _ However far _

The shape of honesty cannot have form without acceptance  
I knew that much, there is more to trust than transparency  
One mustn’t fault themselves for change or love  
One mustn’t fault themselves for wants and needs

And perhaps  
Perhaps, a kind ear is all it takes

What I failed to give,  
What he failed to see  
What was needed for shapes to become form   
And form to become time  
A single shot in the dark  
In a bar of only two men, a pair from a broken ark  
Shapes sinking slowly  
Into a place from where we can never come back

I lay down to rest  
The spring of the mattress  
Or rather  
Bedrock formed under distress

And to my side was him  
Lashes shutting out over his eyes

And so they say, third time’s the charm  
but without the desire of luck, it’s just another time in space  
What do I want?

The happiness of all human beings,  
The satisfaction evoked from dreaming  
There’s just too many things  
To desire or to bind with a ring

_ He’s watching, he’s watching  
_ _ I can feel it tingle, the famous strike he has  
_ _ The fault in his eyes and the folds over his cards  
_ _ Even when I turn my head away  
_ _ My legs move forward _

_ When I first heard his name  
_ _ It was dark  
_ _ A narrow hallway with doors at each end  
_ _ There was only one way to look   
_ _ There was only one way they could look  
_ _ A predetermined fate, it was all meant to be _

_ The echoing words  
_ _ His name, Shido Masayoshi  
_ _ A rising star above others,  
_ _ Transcending masses over,   
_ _ Twinkling for favors  
_ _ The devil’s hor d'oeuvres _

_ I never wanted to hear  
_ _ The swish of his bluish blood  
_ _ Under my skin  
_ _ It’s crawling on little fingers  
_ _ Scraping it off raw, bleeding red  
_ _ A sigh of relief, but he is still there  
_ _ The eyes watching me across the hallway  
_ _ And I remember once again,  
_ _ When I’m struck once more _

Another lump to join the stones crammed into my throat  
I felt the burns over my back and chest  
As if the bruises were all swole as it was in the past

Words leave thick marks deeper than the skin  
Fiction cannot be compared to the rawness of our first kiss  
But it invokes something deep,  
warping the laws of cognition  
That was the true danger of fear,  
It is to suffer without harm  
To choke when there is air

But Shido was more than just fear  
Both Akechi and I knew that much  
He was too real for us, for anyone  
And I had to fight the temptation to strike out his name for good

For the sake of his loving memory  
And for me, drifting in reverie  
Bleeding at the bottom of the sea

The fourth page is riddled with scratch marks  
Angry cacophony slashing an upright kingdom  
Holes puncturing the flesh of the lines underneath  
Fueled with red thoughts  
A burning despair that pays the exact price  
To those of vice

_ fiery words of a politician dirty in grime  
_ _ holds nothing to the blade of grade nine  
_ _ the cries of the innocent, the guilty,  
_ _ their suffering behind curtains of lies   
_ _ my pledge to you is that nothing is pointless  
_ _ not even the deaths of many  
_ _ or the marks underneath the mind _

_ it was just another play over a certain world  
_ _ the warped mind at its freest   
_ _ rebellion sanctioned to the smallest thought  
_ _ eyes on silver screens  
_ _ inducing the world’s classic doublethink  
_ _ where ignorance is society strength  
_ _ their moral compass points south  
_ _ my enslavement will bring me freedom  
_ _ this war will grant me peace _

_ fiction and reality stretch and swap  
_ _ and i’ll change masterpieces under my own name  
_ _ with god’s will at my fingertips  
_ _ my will enacted with a fist _

_ i breathe  
_ _ breathe whole  
_ _ gripping  
_ _ heavy on  
_ _ on the pistol  
_ _ cut him-- them  
_ _ open into  
_ _ sharp   
_ _ sharp ribbons  
_ _ curling  
_ _ curl up  
_ _ and bring   
_ _ out the meat of the  
_ _ sinners,   
_ _ the angel’s orders for  
_ ~~_                                                                                        th e  
_ _                                                                             sg fgns hoawinerners  
_ _                                                                                                                                                       o okbgf _ ~~

And on the back of the page--

_ intersection of truth and lies  
_ _ indulging in pleasures that cost them pain   
_ _ blink twice, nothing left  
_ _ the truth behind me  
_ _ is a falsity,  
_ _ the ideation of the human soul _

_ if only, if only  
_ _ there was a choice to not live at all  
_ _ the choice to hesitate and fail  
_ _ but but but  
_ _ but even so, i remain  
_ _ until there is none left  
_ _ after the fall _

Less of a poem and more like a scream  
The point in fiction in which everything changes  
A blooming climax  
Perhaps this is it,  
The birth of the black mask

Telling yourself  
That what is real doesn’t have to be real  
That what is fiction doesn’t have to remain as fiction  
The fickleness of cognition leaning side to side  
With no definite journey  
No definite way  
But there is certainly something that must be done  
The shift in the grand tale with a grand mission  
Where Goro Akechi became real  
And Goro Akechi became fantasy  
The death and rebirth of different people  
For the same person  
In the same body  
With the same soul

But contradiction unresolved  
Cannot serve as anything but an illusion  
And that is why it was his hand  
His knife of grade nine  
That pierces his ( _my_ ) heart deep underneath

The fifth page  
Marked up and holy  
Shows a different path  
In the labyrinth of his mind  
A mask he puts on  
See-through with his piercing eyes  
It’s just a simple frame  
Hiding little of his visage  
I can see it, as if he just came

_ Awaken, young one!  
_ _ The buds of the trees now full in bloom,  
_ _ Honeysuckle framed in green!  
_ _ Birds chirping in sync! _

_ Think hard of life you’ve led  
_ _ The wonder and hope you’ve grasped despite the weight of prejudice and hate  
_ _ Celebrate! Celebrate!  
_ _ Tear down those walls that you’ve constructed so well  
_ _ The walls that you devoted your life and liberty to from bell to bell  
_ _ And let in misery to take hold of you by the cheek!  
_ _ You’re not allowed to be too meek! _

_ Remember remember  
_ _ The young are loved,  
_ _ The children are spoiled!  
_ _ It’s time for fair injustice for the banned  
_ _ The one who made it all possible with just a single hand! _

_ Creator of Fantasy!  
_ _ Accept this offer of one million lives   
_ _ and build the highest tower!  
_ _ Long live our devoted ruler  
_ _ A throne room befitting of a king.  
_ _ A bright future fitting for an emperor in bling!  
_ _ Exploit suffering to create happiness  
_ _ Rich in the holy material of sin!  
_ _ Stab us deep into the chest  
_ _ For your normality, _ _   
_ _ From my reality!  
_ _ And tear our hearts into two! _

The truth behind this page is clear  
A deep tone underneath  
Scathing and thrashing under the film  
A thin layer of the hardest diamond  
formed under pressure and heat

The world that he depicts  
A world where they pray for suffering in the name of happiness  
A warped land where people don’t understand the difference between good and evil  
Offering the precious for gravel  
Concepts without the absolutions of our needs  
Justice and Injustice  
A classic doublethink  
It’s too real  
And it makes it hard to breathe

Deep breath  
The knife is still there  
But his form is beneath me  
Slowly  
I grasp for his heart  
So that he can breathe deeply   
Here  
With me

Sixth page  
I’m getting there

_ blaring white  
_ _ red  
_ _ blue  
_ _ age fourteen  
_ _ cold on the floor  
_ _ on a midsummer day _

_ a body in clear view  
_ _ i watch, frozen to the ground  
_ _ the chill that shouldn’t exist  
_ _ burns red into my eyes  
_ _ with this, it is done _

_ the end of all things resembling right  
_ _ the extinguishing burn of the light  
_ _ the one who is no longer human  
_ _ is me _

_ and the one who is human  
_ _ is myself _

The first time a different kind of lie  
A different kind of mask  
That no law-abiding citizen shall wear

He knew, didn’t he?  
The emptiness of his soul  
As he tended his masks with care,  
Before he created a home to stay  
Before he found out how to breathe air

His core  
shrivels up   
hardens  
and dies

at least that is to be believed  
In the world that he had received

He lays still in limbo  
The water has already filled our lungs to the brim  
And I, who is here,  
Is a breathing human like he once was  
And one day, I’ll no longer be human  
Like he once was

Seventh page  
And the sorrow staining the pulp has yet to cease  
Soon enough, those tears will become one with the sea  
And I, too, will see myself with him  
Resting on the ground with ease  
Crawling just a little closer  
Under the pressure of water  
For myself, I must appease

_ woman in white  
_ _ overflowing curiosity  
_ _ pandora’s box  
_ _ silly, silly thoughts  
_ _ it’s all a farce _

_ an arrogant lady pursuing what  
_ _ a chance to rise higher in the false world   
_ _ she speaks lightly  
_ _ a softness with form  
_ _ numb by touch  
_ _ the curious science of magic  
_ _ her belief in illusions that do not exist in fantasy  
_ _ a sharp eye nonetheless  
_ _ right  
_ _ left  
_ _ a sigh of relief  
_ _ with a release of self  
_ _ she falls straight into the road  
_ _ a path constructed with bones  
_ _ and it hit _

_ i remember her  
_ _ and so i don’t look back _

A tragedy in white  
As he blankets her death under his words  
What about those left behind?  
But that would just be harm without meaning  
He already knew after all  
Why experience it again when nothing will change?

He had to remember her  
In order to forget the rest

A train of thought mixed in with the stream  
Shido’s grip is too tight for the neck  
And even as the weight of pity gets heavier on my back  
It doesn’t stop the guilt growing within my stomach

No, no  
That man has no place here  
We’re above him  
We’re more than humans  
For we can live-- we can breathe  
Like mermaids dancing in peace

Eighth page  
Fingers numb  
It’s getting colder  
Subzero temperature under a bleak layer  
Of something gray  
And wet

_ Justice in one form  
_ _ Is chaos without weakness  
_ _ Don’t stop, they’re watching  
_ _ It could feel it belching within my stomach  
_ _ The cracked open skull and the splatters from the waist down  
_ _ Intestines wriggling just a small bit before man’s last breath  
_ _ I think they’re crying  
_ _ They’re laughing  
_ _ Maybe  
_ _ Consuming the little I have  
_ _ Their flesh inflates my stomach with sickness  
_ _ And as I bleed it out again with murder to be  
_ _ Maladies shoots up my throat  
_ _ Spilling the blackest blood  
_ _ Painting a picturesque society  
_ _ With fervor, a grotesque piety  _

_ I wake up again  
_ _ In a place far above me  
_ _ Listening to the slow drip  
_ _ Drop  
_ _ Of tears _

Hands and mind getting too tired  
Phasing, phasing…  
Nuggets of small little packaged truths  
Horrifying little facts  
Building up  
To what?

The weight of pity has lifted just a bit  
Yes, even after all of this time what is the excuse?  
Poems by a child cannot save a life  
No matter how real, a past of a dead person  
Is no better  
Is no more tangible  
Than dusty fiction  
Worn from friction  
Just something to look at  
Just something to understand  
And to forget at the whim of a single flap  
Of a well-abled crow across the gap

But even so the wound in my heart beats  
That is the reason why....  
The reason why I read,  
The reason why I read is…!

...

Half-tempted to tear the pages apart  
Ready to understand  
Why can’t I?  
Even after I held my breath for you  
Even now you hide from me!  
Behind your masks  
Behind your words!

Irritation isn’t good for the soul  
He was bleeding, breaking his fingers into little boxes  
Decent bait in a den of hungry foxes  
But this isn’t want any longer  
That’s probably what it is, isn’t it?  
I need Akechi  
I need air as I need water

A tear at the corner of a page  
I’m being childish  
I let go of his chest  
And even so he lays still  
Frozen in time

And with a jerk  
He sits up

Ninth page going!  
And his life has yet to end

_ Stage lights lit in a mysterious black  
_ _ Who I want to be   
_ _ As an actor strolling through Broadway  
_ _ And pristine clothes, sharp to the edge  
_ _ Listening to the beat and trills of a blue rhapsody  
_ _ Dancing along with the taps of blatant audacity _

_ Stop!  
_ _ Turn around and look!  
_ _ Exciting developments!  
_ _ Grins all around,   
_ _ Stretching far and wide  
_ _ Over the rainbow,  
_ _ Like an umbrella too far in to break  
_ _ Take a step forward, until they all snap their necks!  
_ _ Is that not what it takes, to be the Prince of the public’s eye?  
_ _ To become nothing but a lie? _

_ I understand now  
_ _ And so, here I stand  
_ _ With only the path I have carved  
_ _ My only fate at the end is to die  
_ _ To one day rest in the rye _

The growing influence of something much too big  
I want, I need to understand  
The rise and fall of his heart  
As he watches reality in the mirror  
The touch of what it means to not lie  
Is lacking in both then and now  
A single poem with nothing hidden  
I have created for him  
Stone in hand  
Retching and bleeding for strokes  
And he simply stands at the bottom of the ocean  
Writing wispy letters with a feather in hand

Even under the pressure of the sea of death  
More than anything  
I want to be by his side  
Because even if the way his eyes sparkle were akin to rhinestones on some shoe  
Or if the small smiles he showed me were merely strokes of black; a disguise mask  
Or if the person known as Goro Akechi is a printed character to play on stage  
The pain that I felt when I lost the person I loved was real!  
The ache that tortures my heart to this day is real!

And that will never change  
Whether I rest in my home  
Or die at the end

I turn to the tenth page  
Yes, I remember  
The moment that changed him  
From reality to the paper,  
His feelings that could only be described  
As complete nonsense  
And as something beautiful  
Like the sharp of his jaw  
And the shine of his nails 

_ The source of the electric heat  
_ _ Wriggling under the skin  
_ _ Ants ants ants  
_ _ I don’t want to see, I don’t want to feel  
_ _ I move  
_ _ Forward  
_ _ Someone else is watching  
_ _ Someone much too benign  
_ _ It’s nonsense   
_ _ The words  
_ _ Is  
_ _ It’s not  
_ _ It’s a mess  
_ _ Justice with reason  
_ _ I am here  
_ _ But  
_ _ It’s late  
_ _ I met him too late  
_ _ I want him  
_ _ I suppose _

And I wanted you  
It’s confusing isn’t it?  
The idea that something is different  
That something isn’t right  
That here, on the surface reserved for me and you  
I am here to listen  
And for you to trust

If words can become time  
Then here, this sea of me and you  
Is the dimension in which we walk over our memories   
As if they were plains or mountains  
Deserts and wastelands  
Swamps and forests

So just let me say  
These poems are no longer written for you alone  
From now on, hold my hand  
And I promise  
I won’t let go again

It was almost as if the eleventh page turned on its own  
I don’t understand it too well  
But this shift within the decade-old papers   
Drastic as a wave’s crash  
From the world that he lives in  
To the world that everyone lives in

_ The black beast underneath the streets of Tokyo  
_ _ He lays beneath the surface, seething  
_ _ And he grumbles and to the surface he spoke  
_ _ “The hearts of man will now be put to rest”  
_ _ And so, black tendrils rise to pierce the golden-baked surface above _

_ Ears acute  
_ _ The people who listen feel the weight of those above  
_ _ Lying down on their side, with cold eyes and harsh glow  
_ _ So when the darkness rises  
_ _ It wraps  
_ _ It’s gentle _

_ But I cannot see through it  
_ _ Dancing once again to a rhythm of a powerful man  
_ _ I make my way down the depths  
_ _ Of the lair that I once knew  
_ _ Basking in black, donned in white  
_ _ With a branch in hand, I told the beast my name  
_ _ And he smiled in a way that only a human could  
_ _ Mysterious, like only a phantom could _

_ In a daze, my legs move forward with my head turned away  
_ _ Mysterious indeed, perhaps it’s just like me  
_ _ Walking through the streets with restrained sense of glee _

It was almost nine pages ago when there was a swell of emotion  
One that isn’t hate or guilt  
But a beast is a beast  
A black one that threatens with kindness  
But after all was said and done  
I’m still not sure how to feel  
And if I do  
Well, it doesn’t matter  
He’s dead now  
But what is it that my arms embrace so tightly?  
What is it that makes my heart beat so quickly?

Gears rolling and shifting  
Like tectonic plates, shaking the earth  
Pouring mass into the core  
It’s slow, it’s inevitable  
That we, that the dead  
Will wind up there  
Far below the darkness of water  
Lays a prison that god could not touch

Akechi  
I need to stop talking as if he was here

The twelfth poem   
There isn’t much to say  
But I wish his own words had more sway  
On the his actions and the goals he craves

_ A constant rhythm that shakes the earth beneath me  
_ _ It vibrates up my spine  
_ _ Sinusoidal movement  
_ _ Like waves gently floating over  
_ _ Crashing in a world in which I   
_ _ Am someone  
_ _ And he was there _

_ A rye field with just the two of us  
_ _ Winds brushing your hair like blades of grass  
_ _ The way you look at me  
_ _ Was as if you were enamored   
_ _ Seduced by the danger that laid next to you for days  
_ _ And like poison  
_ _ The clock chips away _

_ And for you, to whom I’ve dedicated  
_ _ Amateur words that I’ve sewn together  
_ _ The least I can give you is peace  
_ _ And the most I can give   
_ _ Is for my role to cease _

Maybe it shouldn’t be this way  
Having him cherish me, love me  
Only to fall and abandon the one wish he had  
But I can’t think like that  
I don’t want to think like that  
Because I, too, wouldn’t want it anyway

But but but

What am I trying to do now?  
Of course, I couldn’t move on  
Setting my sights away from the ocean where we once stood  
And yet, it was my feet that moved back  
Sinking into the sand  
Hitting the coldness of water  
As if time was rewinding back  
To the first time I drowned

And so!  
There is only one page left  
It’s barely legible, hastily scrawn  
And what I find  
Is that it was not I who went back in time 

_ I heard of the deaths of all human beings declared _ _   
_ _ It’s sparking, the wires underneath the surface crawl up to the high rises _ _   
_ _ And as he said with a twinkle in his eye _ _   
_ _ The deaths of all human beings will happen now _

_ There’s nothing left, nothing here and over there, there’s hope _ _   
_ _ No room to cry, trudging up the lane _ _   
_ _ It’s coming, death is walking up slow and steady _ _   
_ _ People screaming from his words, his face hidden by a silver screen as he says _ _   
_ _ The misery of human beings has led us to this point _

_ The blisters shading over my feet pop _ _   
_ _ I’m starting to see where it all ends _ _   
_ _ Over the cliff, over the abyss _ _   
_ _ As I watch the people jumping over, he says _ _   
_ _ The greed of human beings begets destruction _

_ I trip and I fall, blood running down my nose _ _   
_ _ The man up on the screen berating the population _ _   
_ _ A pale man and eyes blank like sheets _ _   
_ _ I watch and I feel nothing as he says _ _   
_ _ The stupidity of human beings has doomed us all _

_ I pick myself up and feel the cheeks of my face heat up _ _   
_ _ How am I supposed to know about human sin _ _   
_ _ Isn’t it enough to be happy with accomplishment in the end? _ _   
_ _ But it isn’t and he says _ _   
_ _ Your ignorance is why we die _ _   
_ _ And I say nothing _

_ I reach the top of the lane, the cliff over the abyss and the abyss that had no end _ _   
_ _ There’s no end there but there is one here _ _   
_ _ Jump over the cliff, fall for eternity, a fearsome fate _ _   
_ _ And I say _

_... _

_ I fall and I fall _ _   
_ _ The air is nothing, the earth is nothing _ _   
_ _ In all of its post-apocalyptic galore, _

_ I know only pleasant memories that I had casted away into the sea _ _   
_ _ It’s not going to end, memories don’t end _ _   
_ _ Not until I regain the wings to fly _

A conclusion  
As if he was there with me  
But that can’t be it  
It can’t be it!

Because if he is in the past...

Skimming the pages with haste  
Past the flicks of yellow  
Nothing was left  
But the small bumps at my fingertips  
Turning it around  
And what it was  
What was etched on the back...

_ Dedicated to you _

With bright red thread

I slammed the book closed.  
Even after all of this, I feel as empty as I had before.  
Who am I to decide on who Goro Akechi is?   
Who he was or what he means?  
No matter what format   
No matter what shape  
He wanted to tell his story,   
Not to be skewed  
Not to be twisted  
The factual border between the imaginary and the place we live  
It just isn’t a simple thing  
Is this what the he meant? Are these words what he holds dear?  
I never liked poetry in class.  
I don’t know for sure how to understand.   
I don’t know for sure about anything  
With the clarity I crave  
With the certainty I need  
To pierce his chest with my eyes and inspect one’s soul by force  
What is necessary  
Is that I--

But

I only know of how I’m supposed to remember Goro.  
A child pushed around in an orphanage, wishing for his mother to come back.  
A desperate boy, willing to do anything to survive.  
A vengeful teen willing to kill for his goals.  
A man with too many regrets to live with.

And I suppose,  
The person that I fell in love with. too.

All of those things,  
All of those   
Memories    
Framed  
By the shape of his words  
Lacks a form  
It’s empty  
It’s too hard to understand.  
It’s too easy to understand.  
But I felt it crawling up my bones  
And that alone  
Pushed me over the cliff  
Where I saw,  
Goro Akechi   
Lying peacefully  
Under the sea  
Alive

An epiphany came to me  
What was beneath my feet   
It wasn’t the hard bedrock  
But the force of water  
Crushing me  
As I force my way down  
As I float back up to the surface  
Grasping hard  
With a tightening grip  
On all I have left  
Up  
And up  
Away

My feet  
It takes hold of the grains of sand  
My arms   
It was wrapped around  
Him  
Laid still  
Who can no longer breathe  
The sky offers no sunset  
But a uniform grey  
Colder than the darkness of my lair  
But just light enough  
To evoke  
Nothing

Making my way up the shore  
A solitary beach house  
Pristine and aged  
A proper resting place  
Surrounded by rye  
A pearl in a golden field  
I can feel it  
Move  
My mouth moves on its own  
“Good night, my prince”  
And I tuck him into bed

...

Another day starts  
The shade of the summer heat goes by  
A routine that has passed twice over since then  
The twitch of my fingers  
Reaches out for the black leather-bound book once again  
I’ve understood for a while now

The purpose of fiction cannot be clear  
until I purge ignorance within me  
From the inside out  
From the depths of the sea  
To the heights of the grayed, bright sky

The fine print decorating and framing the heart of his words  
The feel of the wrinkles and smoothness of each page,  
yellowed with age,  
I hum to myself in glee,  
But even so, I cannot love it.  
  
I can only love the him inside of me.


End file.
